Anya's space

Nine years with Sprint are coming to an end. Should be scary, but I just can't wait to see which new door will open for me. I don't quite know what I want to do next, but I do know that corporate world is not it. Art is callig, just need to figure out a way to make it my life without bankrupting my family. Maybe classes. maybe commissioned murals, maybe my gallery dream will become realistic sooner than I thought. Just keep an eye on the goal and don't let health benefits and stable paycheck suck me in for another nine years. It kills the soul, no paycheck is worth that, but the sense of security is. Darn! Oh please let me stay the course, keep my heart open and don't let me miss the open door.

Keeping a curious disposition rather than having certain expectations is a beautiful thing. It helps when people around you are in the same state of mind. Floating is great! Day to day we put pressure on ourselves to achieve, self-realize, be, but when it comes to celebrations that pressure usually puts a damper on the event and at the end we say: "it was great", but think: "it could be better". As uncertian as this New Year's celebration was up until the last moment, I stepped into '09 with friends old and new, near and far, with the thoughts of my family - present and future, with a happy, calm, curious feeling of what's to come and a grattitude for what brought me here. It could not have turned out better! HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Straighten up what went wrong in the past, so that you have peace in the future. It will take a while to digest that one I am sure, but it feels like things are getting straightened out a bit on their own.

Another thing is becoming clearer to me - how important it is to have order in my own universe before inviting other people into it. But all too often people don't even hesitate to spread their plagues to others. It seems like we are all invalids, taking bites out of each other to make our way through life. So sad, especially when the picture of harmony is so real in my heart.

THE ONLY CONSTANT IN LIFE IS CHANGE. The effects of this truth are frequently painful if you are feeling them and very curious if you are contemplating, so I thought that after getting a healthy dose of feeling it, I'd switch to contemplating. Some people live in the same little town their whole lives and a trip to the next major city is a life turning event (if they ever take one). I am blessed with wider horizons and never forget how lucky I am in many regards. I am reminding of this to myself now as I try to gain perspective on some loss in my life. Luckily there is balance. We loose one love and find another, we go broke and rebuild our wealth, a best friend considers severing the friendship because she doesn't like the way I host my parties and another new friend opens the doors to me and my dog, just so I am not lonely while my husband is away. You bring people close to you because you see good qualities in them and accept their help only later to find out that it was used against you. You trust your private life with someone who takes upon themselves to make it public, just for their own entertainment, but somebody else chooses to see through rumors and get to know you for themselves. We hurt others and others hurt us - the closer, the deeper. But if there is balance, will it all end up as zero at the end? How can a full life be a zero though, it's not that - it's a life with a million experiences, it's life and I love it.